Legal and Ethical Considerations of Counter-violence Education

One of the greatest gaps I’ve encountered in counter-violence education is that of the legal and ethical considerations involved. This is, to be blunt, negligent on the part of instructors/providers. This post will reflect some of the information we provide in class-day discussion as well as our printed materials.

What is “Self-Defence?”

The first point we cover in any program we offer is the definition of the term, “self-defence.” One of the best definitions provided by a participant

A Word About a Word

“Alleged” is used to cover the ass of the media and those who must consider the facts of a case. By using this word, we are allowing the accused to remain “innocent until proven guilty,” a protected right, so the person who has been accused is alleged to have committed the violation. This has no bearing on whether or not the violation took place, only on whether or not the accused is guilty. Since victimization is determined by the one who suffers a violation, we should not be saying “alleged rape victim,” or “alleged assault victim,” and media has no business doing so. When we use the word to describe a victim, we instil doubt in the mind of the listener/reader as to whether or not a violation has occurred. Let’s stop doing that. Let’s start believing the victim; it harms nobody if we use “alleged” to describe only the accused, and it extends the “innocent until proven guilty” right to everyone involved.

WSD and Me

I was asked a question:

You keep saying you’re not a ‘women’s self defence’ instructor. Why not?

Simply put, “Women’s Self-Defence” can be one of two things: it can be a women-only safer-space, in which case I am not allowed to be there, or it can be a contribution to rape culture; a perpetuation of a system wherein men get to set rules for women in order for women to remain safe from sexual assault (the efficacy of those rules being disputable).

Now, that isn’t to say I cannot teach women -I most certainly can, and do- or that I cannot address issues that disproportionately affect women, like sexual assault. It’s important I do it in ways that recognize a few key realities:

1) I, as a man, cannot occupy a women-only safer space.

2) Power-hoarding on the part of men contributes to all spaces being unwelcoming and unsafe.

3) Men have the most power in preventing sexual assault because we are the ones who harbour the offenders.

4) While I would never tell anyone to do something they don’t feel safe doing, most of the “advice” being trotted out to women is victim-blaming in nature, tends to be either ineffective or outright *damaging,* and should be demystified and debunked. 

5) All risk-reductive strategies should be evidence-based and supported, not just a list of “alwayses and nevers.”

Beyond that, the law is the law, movement is movement, and counter-violence is counter-violence – it really doesn’t need to be gendered in order to be effective.

Now, I have a question for you:

What are some ways men can make spaces safer and more inviting for women?

Happier Holidays

The holidays are upon us, a time of year when assaults are on the rise due to a great many factors. In order to help increase safety for everyone, let’s keep a few things in mind:

A second look at the face of a rape apologist.

The rape apologist is an odd animal. Usually they pass off their apologia as advice to women on how to stay safe, but that advice is unreliable at best. This approach to victim-blaming has earned them another nickname: the concern troll. When someone doesn’t understand victim-blaming, I am willing to give that person the benefit of the doubt; I will often engage in civil discussion with a victim-blamer who just doesn’t get what it is they’re saying, to what extent victim-blaming contributes to re-victimisation, or even what accountable language is. However, there is a difference between this and the true rape apologist: The true apologist puts considerable time and effort into creating a scenario that absolves the rapist of (predominantly) his responsibility, casts doubt onto the victim’s authenticity (the false rape claim), assigns guilt to the victim by way of some magical set of actions the victim should have carried out in order to not be raped (unfortunately, there is not a pill that wards off rapists in either the literal or figurative sense, as it is the rapist who is in control of the actions of the rapist – nobody else), and frequently conflates rape and sex. These apologists also tend to erase the vast majority of victims and perpetrators by insisting rape happens “out there,” committed by strangers, and also erase many victims by simply not acknowledging male victims, trans victims, child victims, elderly victims, and so on. The “casual” victim-blamer is someone who has bought into the line of the rape apologist, mostly because that line has been sold with no competition to a public hungry for answers for millennia.

End Street Harassment Week, 2012

This is International Anti-Street Harassment Week, going until Saturday the 24th. To show our support for making the streets safer for women and girls, we’re distributing the following pamphlet on street harassment:

Street Harassment: What it is, what it isn’t, how to deal with it.

Feel free to click, print and share or let us know you’d like copies of it and we’ll do our best while supplies last.

False. False.

There’s a controversy brewing over a self-proclaimed victims’ advocacy group and their take on false rape accusations. I was asked by another group if I could write a response to a statement released by RINJ calling for strict measures to protect men from false accusations of rape. Read my first ever guest post here.

Hey, Guy…

Hey, Guy. I think we should talk. I don’t mind if your girlfriend, sister, or any other important woman in your life listens in on this one, but this is really about you and me – man to man. Comfortable? Good. Read on.

I mentioned elsewhere on this blog, victims of sexual assault can fall into three categories: primary, secondary, and tertiary. Since that post, however, I’m inclined to edit those categories and add a fourth, all of which I will attempt to (perhaps less clumsily) explain here.

A message for the well-meaning…

I’ve had a number of discussions with well-meaning men on the subject of “women’s self-defence.”

Go hug Gramma

My mother spent a lot of time being mad at me just after my oldest started to walk. She felt I was teaching my daughter to not trust her grandmother, to not like her. The issue would always arise just after we stopped in for a visit